rduwtf.com

It has always annoyed me. It has also become an excellent barometer for the Triangle area’s (particularly Raleigh’s) ever-increasing homogenization. It’s called the Independent Weekly’s “Best of the Triangle”.

Here’s a partial list of national chains that made the cut as the best the Triangle has to offer (comments are Raleigh-biased because that’s where I live- so sue me.):

Champps Sports Bar- Come on! I don’t even go to sports bars and I know there a million sports bars around that have more character- Mitch’s and the Player’s Retreat come to mind immediately, both of which have been around forever and manage to attract customers as much for their divey charm as for their TV screens.

Hooters- see above- and there are also plenty of places to get wings served by hot chicks who don’t have to wear pantyhose under their short shorts.

Panera Bread- I didn’t realize that wi-fi was a verb but if i was into “wi-fying” I think I could find a non-chain someplace outside of a mall to do it. You can’t throw a rock without catching a signal these days.

Starbuck’s - ok- this one REALLY gets me- why don’t we just call it “Best Corporate Coffee Behemoth That Tries to Crush Every Mom-and-Pop Coffeehouse in the Universe?” Aside from making pretty OK coffee available in airports Starbucks can kiss my ass. I’m proud to live in a town that put the Starbuck’s on Hillsborough Street out of business. Yeah!

Mellow Mushroom- they’re not national yet but they are all over the southeast. Note that they did not place for best pizza (maybe because their pizza sucks?) but for outdoor dining. Perhaps people were voting for quantity over quality- they do have an awful lot of tables on that pleasant quiet corner of Glenwood and Peace Streets. I was appalled that Moonlight Pizza didn’t make either of these lists.

Waffle House - yes, Waffle House used to be about the only place for late night food in the area but that was about fifteen years ago. Anyone in the area who hasn’t heard of the well-hyped Raleigh Times Bar has been living under a rock- and missing out on some kickass late night grub.

Moe’s Southwest Grill- Baja Burrito anyone? No one there gets fired if they don’t scream “Welcome to Baja!” at every customer and they don’t use chips with so much blue dye in them that your shit will be bright green for a week. And I know for a fact that I’m not the only one.

Bruegger’s Bagels - they’ve always sucked. But I have to admit I don’t know where the good bagels are ’round here.

Maggiano’s and Olive Fucking Garden????? Maggiano’s isn’t bad but it’s a national chain. Olive Garden? No comment.

PF Chang’s - Duck and Dumpling? Peking Garden? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Cheesecake Factory - Anyone looking for amazing desserts and doesn’t want to wait two hours at Crabtree Valley Mall? May I suggest Hereghty in Glenwood Village Shopping Center? Heavenly delicious is right.

Best Buy, Barnes & Noble, Borders - I suppose they have their place but could they be any less Triangle-specific? Huh?

Outback- I’d rather get my bloomin’ onion at the State Fair. Once a year is more than enough.

Men’s Wearhouse, Nordstrom, DSW- See Best Buy, B & N, Borders…

Belk - Sure, if the corners of the Triangle are Texas, Florida and Maryland.

Jared - Sure, if the entire US is a Triangle. (It wasn’t, last I checked.)

Ace, Lowe’s - sadly, it’s true- there are few independently owned hardware stores anymore- Burke Brothers should have been the only one on a list with the header “Best LOCAL hardware store”.

Toys R Us - Play House? Wootini?

Target - I love Target as much as the next guy but once again- huge-ass chain. And it won for best place to buy candy. Odd.

Harris Teeter - Just because they CALL themselves “Your Neighborhood Food Market”… don’t be so gullible people! And how did Durham’s Blue Light get overlooked in this category (beer selection)?

What does all this mean? Well, not much in the grand scheme of things. It points to a depressing lack of creativity in the voters but who the hell are they anyway? I suppose I should be glad they’re all waiting in line at Starbucks while I’m getting a superior brew with superior service from the Mission Valley Cup a Joe… and I could TOTALLY wi-fi there. If I was into that.